. . .and silence.

Report by Hans Wiltink.

Part of the group, including myself, did not know what to expect when choosing the workshop with horses with Carien. After a 20 minute drive, we arrived at her house, a renovated farm in what we in Amsterdam call ‘the middle of nowhere’. Farmland all around and quiet, very quiet.

Close to her house was a pasture where Carien let the horses in, the so called working area. Not for the horses, but for us. After a short explanation about how sensitive horses are, it was our task first to make contact. Walking close to a horse they look great. Although Carien told us that these horses are not really big ones, they looked impressive. After a while I succeeded in making contact. Not by pushing, but by being open to the horse. And doing so, I felt precisely when there was contact and when there was no contact.

The next step was to lead the horse. Taking the rope and then walking. It sounded very easy but in order to do so it was important to first make contact and be very clear about what I expected of the horse. And after a while it worked. Being fully focused on the horse it was possible to walk with the horse, but not for long. The moment my attention went to something other than leading the horse, the horse wouldn't follow me anymore and would go its own way. And that 800 kg is a lot of horse. Being fully attuned with the horse was the only way to lead the horse.

What I learned that afternoon is that it’s very important to be completely with myself and to make contact with the horse before beginning the ‘exercises’. And that’s not easy because being focused for a longer period, let’s say more than five minutes, is difficult. Thinking about something other than what I’m doing happens often. With people I think I can hide that, with horses it wasn't possible. And maybe with people it’s really the same.

Looking back at a nice afternoon, with a totally new experience thanks to Carien, we returned to De Voorde.

‘A Game Called Life’. By Ron Veronda

It would be stressful to play a game with a large group of people and not know the rules. Now imagine that in that game you have bet your very life. In a way, this is what we have been doing for the last two-hundreds years; living in a disjointed manner seeing a world based on disorder, accidents and luck and losing track altogether of the very purpose of our lives.Now imagine that in the decades to come, we not only learn the rules of this important game, but as a result our view of life becomes clearer and clearer.

There is an ancient saying that says, “The fish will be the last to know the water.” Every single one of us is like the fish, seeing the world through a set of filters with little or no awareness. These filters determine our reality; what we see and how we see it, and underlie why individuals and groups of people can have such wide and diverse views of the same events. This partial blindness is basic to being human. To remove it creates “vision” and opens life to immense possibilities, to ignore it invites ignorance, stress and unhappiness. As Marcel Proust said, “The voyage of discovery lies not in seeking new vistas, but in having new eyes.”

Report by Anne Veldhuizen:

We see the world through a coloured pair of spectacles, through filters, not very aware. ‘The fish will be the last to know the water’ an old saying goes. You need distance, to see clearly (see also Zhenya’s presentation). The voyage of discovery lies not in seeking new vistas, but in having new eyes. With these new eyes life offers terrific opportunities. Otherwise we stay blind, stressed, unhappy. We do an exercise in pairs. Taking turns we say: “If you really knew me, you would know that. . . “ and then completed the sentence. Quickly the sharings grew very deep. A beautiful exercise, that I hadn't experienced before. We also were introduced to the enneagram. From the list of nine descriptions we choose a type that we feel most connected with. I find this difficult, recognizing pieces of myself in several descriptions. Ron give examples of each of the types out world history. Interesting, but we don’t have enough time. Maybe that’s the reason that this workshop becomes somewhat chaotic for me. I also loose the contact with the conference theme. Maybe it’s about knowing who I am, to act consciously and responsibly?

Evening

Exercise led by Judy McAllister

On the second evening of our gathering Judy took up on some of the points made by previous presenters.Building on the model that Ron had presented she added a few qualities to his two lists and then asked us to consider what solutions we might find if we opened ourselves in that larger zone beyond the lines Ron had drawn in his second model.She posed a series of "What if" questions that left us with lots of food for thought.She deepened us into the "U" bend with some more facts and figures -the two that seemed to strike deepest had to do with 1) our young people and the increase in suicide/depression etc in that grouping and 2) the shattering of the long held human assumption that "whatever happens to me, at least life will go on", that sub-conscious/super-conscious comfort that there will always be a future for our children and our grandchildren.The development and use of nuclear weaponry has changed that - for now we know that we have the capability to utterly destroy ourselves and, possibly, all life on the planet."What if these two are connected?" she asked.

After a brief presentation she asked us to move, in silence, from our cosy room into the larger space across the hall. She then led us in an exercise, non-verbal but full of movement.We started out all in a rush - moving quickly past one another, intent only on getting to our own destination.Slowly we began to pay attention to one another, to make eye contact, to ever so gently touch as we passed. Eventually we were asked to stand and really engage with just one person, using only our hands and eyes as our means of communication.Once again statements of facts and figures regarding the state of the planet this being we were engaged with lived on gave us much to think about and certainly lots to feel about.We encountered several partners in this manner, each time moving deeper into the space of open and compassionate hearts, into sadness and grief and even anger about what is true on earth today.We also moved into the sense that none of us is really alone, aware that there are others here too.The room became increasingly silent, tears flowed and hearts opened further still.There was time and space to discover, to face, and to experience the depth of feeling within each of us about the state of our world - and yet the overriding sense was that it was safe to do so as none of us was alone.We descended ever deeper into that "U" bend, strengthened by each other presence.

We ended the exercise with a favorite quotation of Judy's from Henry David Thoreau - a quote that encourages us to continue to build our castles in the air "for that is where they belong, now build the foundations under them".

Personal account of Anne Veldhuizen:

This evening I was deeply moved. I felt a strong connectedness from heart to heart with the people I met in silence. I almost physically felt the vulnerability of life on earth. ”How precious is life”, I thought, “ let us not squander it. ”I saw solicitude and emotion in the eyes of other persons. Deeply impressed I went to my room.

Tuesday June 20th (Morning).

Report Anne Veldhuizen

This day we addressed male (Yang) and female (Yin) energies in ourselves and in the world in general. Both men and women need to integrate their yang and yin energies in themselves. This is not what generally happens in today’s world, and that’s a cause of much unhappiness and destruction. On this day we explored the purified male and female energy we personally and collectively need and long for.

The day begins with the men’s group, a groupthat has met once a month for 10 years, working on their own personal and spiritual and leadership development. The men sat in a 'fishbowl' (sitting in their own circle with the rest of the conference sitting in a larger circle around them).They shared their sorrow, rage, powerlessness and despair about the world and their own position therein – very impressive. We listened with open hearts.Afterwards there was a sharing between the two circles.

After the coffee break the female staff(including me) presented a hilarious skit (located supposedly in a ladies room, depicting some of the female archetypes (the over protecting mother, the queen, the teacher, the femme fatale and the seeker).Much laughter was heard.Afterwards, conference participants were asked to identify some of their own archetypes, choosing from a list based on the work of Carolyn Myss. In doing so we discover both strengths and shadow sides of ourselves, thus deepening our self knowledge.

Afternoon

In the afternoon the conference splits in two groups: a men’s group and a women’s group. In the groups several questions are addressed: how do we feel about the role of our own gender in the world, what do we need from the other gender, and what from our own (and ourselves!). In these groups there is deep sharing and very personal communication.

The afternoon ends in Open Space. These are the principles of an Open Space Session:

The most basic principle is that everyone who comes to an Open Space session must be passionate about the topic and willing to take some responsibility for creating things out of that passion.

Five other key principles are:

1) Whoever comes is the right people.

2) Whatever happens is the only thing that could have.

3) Whenever it starts is the right time.

4) When it is over it is over.

5) The Law of Two Feet: "If you find yourself in a situation where you aren't learning or contributing, go somewhere else."

It appears very difficult to speak from the depth where we have reached in this conference. Although people know that there will be another open space the next day (in which commitments and plans for the future can be shared), for many people it is a challenge to stay in the present moment. Nevertheless some moving moments happen, in which people start to share their process and move from there.

Evening.

The evening is filled with two unique performances. First Liekje Welten and Nanda van Praag sing some beautiful and moving songs, some of which connect very well with the conference theme.

Them George Parker, magician, presents a terrific stand up comedy show. He also connects with the conference theme, and shows us that there is always a possibility to create, no matter how bad the circumstances. Four archetypes of creating - the jester, the oracle, the magician and the sage – make their appearance in a magnificent and very humorous performance. I sat in the front and tried to find out how he does the tricks, but I didn't succeed. Neither did the people from the audience who he invited onto the stage. The evening ends with a relaxing drink, and George took time to elaborately chat with people. A wonderful evening.

Wednesday, June 21st.

The conference ends with a second Open Space session and a final mediation.

During the open space we experienced yet again how difficult it is to stay with what is. One sharing seemed to catch the essence of our time together and spoke to the hearts of many in attendance.

Judy: Our world, our planet, is in trouble.While we can (and do) quibble about the whys and the hows or the how soons, we cannot hide from the facts.And yet the twin tyrants of positivity (“It’ll all work out somehow.”& “We’ll find the solutions.”) and denial (“It’s not as bad as ‘they’ say & “Its all happened before,” & “It’s a natural long term cycle”.) effectively obstruct our view of how it is.To sustain our gaze on how it is is a challenge, one that can leave us feeling disempowered, or worse, helpless/hopeless.And yet so many of us feel that the tenacity of the human spirit, the ingenuity of the human mind and the largess of the human heart can prevail.To do so we must enter the depths of our caring and our concern and to do that we need the company of like-minded hearts and like-hearted minds. I believe that in such company we can dethrone the tyrants!This week I was in such company!!

During the meditation she read the beautiful poem of Thich Nhat Hanh: ‘Please call me by my true name’ which ends with the words "Please call me by my true names, so I can wake up, and so the door of my heart can be left open, the door of compassion".

We ended in a circle - holding hands, giving thanks for all that occured, wishing each other well on our own journeys and affirming the strength of our commitment to sustain the gaze on our world.Judy spoke the following - a prayer, an invocation, a hope, an affirmation known to many."God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can change, and please, please, grant me the wisdom to know the difference!"

Personal comment of Anne Veldhuizen:

I recognize both tyrants in myself. If I don’t want to fall into these traps, what then is left? I feel myself becoming more and more depressed. Here I am, on the bottom of the pit. Not a pleasant feeling, but I don’t try to suppress it anymore. We don’t end with plans of action or positive stories. But there is a deep connectedness between us all, and we feel how important it is to keep the contact and to try to live as consciously as we can. That, in itself, is an important contribution.

After a final mediation we say goodbye. A very penetrating conference. I am going home in low spirits, feel myself empty and without power. Fortunately, the following week, in the next part of the Summer School, the Quantum Leap Retreat, I regained my energy and my power. What I have learned? That my power, hope and faith cannot depend on what is happening in the outside world. It has to come from within. ‘Was it a nice conference?’ some people ask. ‘No, but a very good and significant one,’ I answer.